He Wants to Have a Baby but Not Get Married

In an ideal situation, a man meets a woman, they commencement dating, their families run into, they get engaged and walk downwards the aisle to get ane.

Then the children start coming- that is how normal marriage life usually begins.
Withal information technology seems there is a tendency gaining ground where a human being introduces a fiancée to his parents just when the lady is carrying his child or has already delivered ane.

Duncan, a junior manager at a city supermarket says that he has seen a number of his buddies who took out huge loans to pay dowry and finance a flashy wedding ceremony just for their marriages to come up a cropper and therefore feels that having a child- or one on the way- is some sort of balls.

"If she is willing to continue and raise my child, it means she is set up to settle down and therefore I should do the honourable affair and marry her," he states.

He is currently living with his girlfriend of 4 years but is in no hurry to walk downwardly the alley.

"I am not taking her to meet my parents till she develops morning sickness and becomes irritable," Duncan confides.

For the longest time it was the women who were defendant of 'trapping' men by getting pregnant simply information technology seems the shoe is on the other foot. These men will convince their girlfriends to end using protection and wait for that all-important signal so that they tin can commit for life, effectively putting the cart before the equus caballus.

Samson, a city freelance IT practiced, says he is notwithstanding to marry and when time come he will have habitation a woman who has carried his baby to term. He is of the view that with the moral decadence in society, soon it will be hard to find women who can enrich the marriage with children.

"Without a doubt I will marry a girl who is educated, almost likely a university graduate. A visit to the adjacent VCT heart will reveal our HIV status. I volition easily discover out whether in her mannerisms she measures up to be wife material. Finding out if she can bear me children is quite a challenging task on the other hand," he says and attributes the state of diplomacy to the worrying rate of back street abortions which later on comes to haunt the adult female when she wants to get children.

According to him, the astonishing figures that are found in various health reports are really conservative and the problem is much bigger, pregnant that many women lose their ability to take children as a issue.

While not many are as wary of getting women capable of changeable, nigh men, who in almost instances have already settled with their partners, feel that having a child is the surest sign that time has come up to marry.

"I take many friends who have been married a few weeks to their due date. Of a sudden, a homo who seemed not in a hurry summons his family and tells them that he wants to marry, visits to both sets of family are fabricated and before the kid comes, the two are formally joined in matrimony and he has put his firm in order," says Carol, a high school teacher at a metropolis schoolhouse.

The need to have child born in a lawful union, a proper family that is recognised, drives these men at suspension-neck speed to say "I do".

"As much as I can run across what informs such thinking, I call back it is really sad. Basically, the homo is telling you that he is marrying you because of your womb- not your personality, brains or that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. That is actually sad," she says when asked what he thinks of such marriages.

Martha is one woman who learned nearly this kind of human the hard mode. After dating her ex-swain for close to six years, she kept on asking him why he never fifty-fifty wanted to see her parents or innovate her to his.

"He e'er gave excuses and at some indicate I started feeling that I was wasting my time because our relationship was headed nowhere. Nosotros had many fights over this and our human relationship slowly deteriorated," she recalls.

wasting time

All along the ex-boyfriend had been trying to convince her to cease using contraceptives.

"When nosotros started out, nosotros were using condoms merely with time he stopped and always had the excuse for "forgetting" to bear one. Either that or he would "realise" that his supply had run out," she recalls.

Every bit a result, they started having unprotected sex, which always forced Martha to take morning-afterwards pills. The incidences of "forgetfulness" became also many that she decided to be the one carrying the condoms.

"And so he started saying that the feel was non every bit good equally the other fourth dimension we ned used protection, meaning that I ended up- again- using morning-subsequently pills," she says.

When this also happened one too many times and aware of the wellness risks this frequent apply posed, she decided to start taking the oral contraceptive pill. Even that did non get downward well with him. She kept wondering why a human being who did not even know her parents wanted to get her in the family way. She did not have to wait for long to know.

"A few months afterward we broke up I was told past i of our friends that he was getting married. That took me by surprise. How could a human being I had known for years without whatever sign of delivery decide to settle downwardly in a matter of months?" she recalls.

She later on learned that the adult female her ex-swain met just after their break-up had gotten significant weeks into their courtship and had been introduced to his parents as the hereafter wife. By the time she came to acquire of information technology, the wedding ceremony was just a matter of weeks away.

"I wish he had told me what he really wanted from the starting time and then that nosotros do not waste each other'southward time. Obviously we had different values because I cannot knowingly have a child with someone earlier he puts a ring on it, permit alone just coming together parents," Martha says.

According to her, that kind of thinking is just selfish because women are more "mere child-factories" and their usefulness should non be pegged on whether they can take children. In fact, she contends that science has shown that most instances where a couple cannot have children, the problem is usually with the man.

"Since men cannot get significant, are we supposed to walk out of wedlock when one discovers it is the homo'south fault? Or should nosotros get some other man to do the job, seeing as so much value is being put on having a child?" she fumes and notes that it is really unfair that when women become pregnant they are accused of 'trapping' men however when the man gets her pregnant so that he can ally her, it is 'strategy'.

Benson on the other paw sees zippo wrong with doing a 'test-drive' of family unit life earlier marrying because it brings out the true colours of your partner and if 1 feels the adult female volition be a proficient married woman and mother, getting her pregnant is the beginning of the journey.

"Our grandparents used to practice things differently considering in that location was no such thing as dating. You lot just identified a girl you wanted to marry and married her, and so went the family way. Most people already live with their partners and go intimate regularly, why not have children to postage assurance onto the wedlock? With children in the movie, you have to provide a safe nest and formalising your union is the first step" he theorises.

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Source: https://www.standardmedia.co.ke/entertainment/crazy-monday/2000197097/maternity-before-marriage-type-of-men-who-look-for-women-with-ability-to-bear-children